It’s really not a “gen z are funnier than millennials” thing it’s just that high schoolers are consistently the funniest people alive no matter what year it is
It’s the insanity of being stuck in a building with a thousand other people your age who are all chronically sleep-deprived and panicking.
You want to shut down the bullshit memes and trash-talking your generation’s getting from Boomers?
Vote. Vote in every damn single election, from PTA on to President. Own your country so hard Boomers will be calling YOU sir. Fuck up their projected demographics and plant your flag in every political office in the land.
Let spite drive you to the ballot box.
(or, lacking that, share a Lyft to get there)
Go to vote.org to find out how to register or check your voter registration!!
There are now more of you eligible to vote than their are of them!
omg so yesterday i put a salt line on the pathway to our front door because i was fucking around and my brother was pretending to be a demon
and today we ordered pizza and the salt line was still there
and my brother went outside to sign for the pizza
and the pizzaman refused to step over the salt line, like he almost did and then he backed up and handed my bro the pizza and left; which is pretty ridiculous because it’s far from our door
so a heads up to everyone i’m pretty sure domino’s is actually run by demons??? kind of like how in men in black the post office is run by aliens
demono
((”Not just pizza”))
((”but eternal damnation”))
Alternate theory: It wasn’t that the pizza guy couldn’t cross the line of salt himself.
He just saw the line of salt and assumed that it was the only thing keeping you and your brother in, and he didn’t want nothing to do with your demon asses
In honor of me approaching my first 6 months mark as a flight attendant, here are some highlights from my time in this job:
When a lady stopped me gently to whisper that i had “mastered the art of kindness”
When an elderly woman told me i was “put on earth to be a flight attendant”
Each and every time someone complimented my nails
When i found an $8000 diamond watch left behind under a seat, gave it to a gate agent, only to have the passenger come running back 10 minutes later. Gate agent: man u wouldve been in trouble, huh? Man whom looked like a bond villain: i wouldve been SHOT.
Every lesbian ive worked with and had the nice bonding moment of “ur gay?? Im gay!!”
That time a man tried to get huffy with me because he wasnt in 1st class and i got to say “sir u can either sit in this seat or u can sit in a seat in the terminal while u wait to take the next flight”
When i had an emergency landing because the pilots lost steering and we all thought we were gonna die but then we didn’t and everyone just applauded the landing and didnt even complain about the 2 hour delay
When my flight was delayed for 3 hours because the plane wouldnt start so the crew and i just took a really long nap in the jetway
Every 4 and 5 star hotel ive stayed at for free
When we overnighted in the middle of nowhere in alabama and went to a sports bar at midnight. The bartender locked the door so it was just him and us and his friend, and we all got super drunk on obscure alcohols and i kicked everyones ass at pool
That time i had an emergency landing because one pilot had such explosive diarrhea that the other 2 pilots had to wear oxygen masks
When we overnighted in a casino resort in new orleans and ended up drunk on margaritas and playing blackjack with a bunch of old people at 2pm
Every little kid on my flights
Every dog i got to pet on my flights
When we were flying to nyc during julliard recruitments and half the seats were taken up by cellos
Being in airports late at night and seeing people sleep in the weirdest places because they just dont care (bathroom floors, under gate agent desks, etc)
When a woman forgot her actual baby on the plane
Woman: can i board first? Gate agent: are u special needs, active military or priority? Woman: no i just want to board first. Gate agent: maam i have 70 other people who also want to board first, im not looking for a line leader.
My very first working flight, when a man pointed to my necklace and said “is that a ball gag?” And, in my shock, i said “no, im gay”
That time a ramp agent came up to me holding up his phone and said “wanna see something weird?” and i said yes, reservedly, thinking it might be gross but then he held out his phone and it was just a picture of hundreds of paradise birds that we were apparently flying to a zoo
ive eaten shrimp exactly 5 times in my life, always with gusto and an utter lack of self-restaint, and each time has ingrained itself in my memory as distinctly nightmarish when they ended with me ralphing it all back up within the hour. i thought this was reflective of my hubris and insufficient fear of god, but it is only as i write this post now, crumpled to my knees on the floor of this eresto’s bathroom after eating half a baja taco and recalling that my dad is allergic to shellfish, i realize perhaps the issue is not with a higher power, but with a deeper one. biology.
What’s the tea on Medusa’s pubes? Are they snakes too?
According to the non patriarchy slandered version of the legend of Medusa, Athena gave her the snakes and the anyone-who-looked-at-her-would-turn-into-stone so that she had the power to protect herself from being raped again and no man would touch her again. So I’m gonna go with, assuming she has a vagina anymore because idk how snake biology works, she 100% has snake pubes as a last line of defense to bite any penis that gets that close. I’m also gonna say her pussy juice probably burns human flesh.
